Real Running

In the words of John "the Penguin" Bingham, "If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run."

I'm actually a huge fan of Mr. Bigham. After having Isabel, I was so lost at how to start running again, and I really wanted to run a marathon. He, along with Jenny Hadfield (coach Jenny, who does a blog for RW), wrote the book Marathoning For Mortals, and that book really did help encourage me to realize that I didn't have to be super duper fast to complete a marathon, I just had to have heart and dedication. That first marathon was significantly slower than my best marathon, but it was so much fun, and a huge high light in my life. And all those miles helped me become a faster, better runner later on.

I know you don't have to run a ton of miles to be a "real" runner. And I know you don't have to be quick. But I feel weird claiming myself as a 'real runner' when I'm not running like I like to run. Doing a 2-3 mile run 2x a week just to feel good, isn't *my* real running. In the last few months, though, I've gotten back to "real" running, and I'm feeling pretty great. My legs feel lean again, I have my self proclaimed runner butt almost back, and I'm feeling pretty speedy. Definitely not where I would love to be, but hey, it's early! And I'm working hard. I haven't really worked hard since 2011ish.

The three main reasons I run are for fitness- my body feels so much better when I run, competition- either with myself or others... I have always had a huge competitive drive, sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes, not so much, and the third main reason: mental clarity. For more than half my life I've struggled with Obsessive Compulsive Anxiety and have tried many different medications, exercising things, and other stuff.. running is the best prescription. Since I've moved to Fenton back in February, I've let my ocd/anxiety guard down. My last house I lived in, was absolutely spotless. I freaked out if anyone put anything somewhere it didn't belong, and I'd stay up super late disinfecting everything and organizing. Isabel told me this morning she was glad I wasn't so "grumpy" about the house like I was in the last one. I don't know if running more lately has helped lessen that or what.. but I'm like.. completely unorganized.

Part of my organization issues bled into running. I have logged every.single.mile since 2002. I have SO many date books filled with miles, routes, times, how I felt during said run, etc. Before my Garmin, I'd log onto mapmyrun.com and meticulously map out a perfect run. Like.. not .1 over or under. Always had to be exact. If I ran with running club, and I didn't have my Garmin, I'd feel super annoyed if I didn't know the exact amount of miles and I'd stress for a week. I don't even know why, I've never done anything with this information except when I was running every single day. And even then, I just figured out my average per day.

Now that I moved, I run with my watch sometimes, sometimes with my phone app.. and I don't have a log.  That kiiiinda stresses me out. But at the same time.. it's a breath of fresh air. Part of me feels like I'm standing at this edge of a cliff- an unorganized house/running life cliff and one more unorganized thing thrown in the bunch is just gonna throw me into a black hole. Yesterday I didn't even run with a watch! Maybe if I clean my car and sweep the house, the overwhelming sense of needing to log my every mile ran will subside a little. (maybe that doesn't make sense, but it totally does to me.) But I gotta say.. I've come a long way with needing to feel like I'm controlling every little detail of my life.