Maybe he's stuck in Jumanji and we just need to roll a 5 or an 8...

Last Monday, when I initially found out that Robin Williams had died, I was super sad. I mean, I've never really been distraught over a celebrity death before, but I mean.. I loved Robin and when I heard that it was from suicide? It made me even sadder. I tried not to read up on it because I get stuck in my own mopey head sometimes, but then this article showed up on my newsfeed:
http://www.runnersworld.com/runners-stories/robin-williams-my-teammate

He was a runner. He wasn't just the Genie, or Alan from Jumanji, or Patch Adams or Peter Pan.. He was someone like me. This post might come off as self centered, but it's not intended that way. It's just me trying to sort my feelings on something that effected me more than I thought it would.

I have seen so many different arguments in so many different blogs. So many people say that it was selfish and he was a coward. And then there's the side of saying he was truly troubled because fill in the blank. And he's at peace now and will never have to suffer. The truth is, it's not anyone's job to decide what his reasoning was, or what was troubling someone so much that they decided to take their own life. It's also not anyone's place to judge whether or not it was selfish, especially if he has no relation to you and isn't a direct part of your life. I also notice it's usually people who have never dealt with some sort of mental illness who have a hard time understanding and lack any sort of empathy to the situation.

My life is different than Robin's. Our situations are not comparable. However. I have struggled my entire life with depression, anxiety, etc. When I was a junior in high school, I really did try to take my own life. I'll spare the details because it doesn't matter at this point, over 10 years later, but I had a couple week hospital stay, my parents got a hefty bill, and that's when I became aware of how running can help my moods. There's been so many times in my life where I would get to that dark, dark place and think there's no way out. Nothing could possibly get better, and life isn't worth living. It's not something you can just mentally overcome. Not everyone anyway.

I realize not everything revolves around running. But I know that running has helped me overcome my own dragons along the way. I have taken a handful of different prescriptions along the way but nothing has helped as much as a "runner's high." I've known many friends who have used running as therapy, also. I can't help but wonder if he still ran, if he'd still be here. If he would've been happier and fighting his own dragons would've been easier. But again, it's not my place to figure out. It was his own battle that he backed down from.  And that was his choice to make, and all we can do is mourn.

I don't really know the best way to wrap this up. And I could've said a lot more. But sometimes I guess you just don't have the right things to say and that's ok.